Miss. Communication.

Miss. Communication.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” ~ Anthony Robbins

Good Morning Everyone! I'm fresh from vacation and getting back into the swing of normal life! Vacations are so awesome but coming back to work takes effort to say the least. lol Are you still paying it forward? I am! It feels amazing to do something nice for someone and I can't stress it enough.

This weeks blog is about communication. How well do you communicate? How many times have you said something to someone and they totally misunderstood or misinterpreted what you said? How many times have the lines of communication been so morphed that you left the conversation feeling overwhelmed, confused and frustrated? Well, if I could write a book on just those few questions, I'd probably be rich! From personal experience I can share that I've been involved in certain situations where I've literally felt like I was speaking a foreign language to someone in my attempts to have a simple conversation with them. No matter how uncomplicated I spoke, they just never seemed to understand where I was coming from. No matter how much of a loving tone I put on my words, they just always seemed to read something negative. No matter how open tried to be with sharing of feelings, thoughts, ideas or perspectives, they always seemed to shut them down.

Trust me, I've had my share and to tell you the truth I walked away from those situations feeling like, "Why do they hear something totally different from what I'm saying??!" Then......It.....Hit......Me.

Communication is more than just the words you use, the tone and the delivery. Effective Communication has more to do with perception, life experiences and the battlefield of the mind. Notice I used effective here and that I feel is key. Many people have been hurt, abused, let down, disappointed, neglected etc and all these factors come into play when you are communicating even the simplest information to them. When you are attempting to have an emotionally heavy or difficult conversation with someone who has been hurt or disappointed so much in their lives...their perception of what you are actually saying can be jaded by what they've come accustom to. Hurt. Many people don't know how to have constructive conversations. Many people are actually thinking of a rebuttal as the other person speaks as opposed to actually listening. In addition, when the other person is speaking, they also have to fight through the damaged perceptions of their mind to decipher what they think the person means. Most times...we are wrong when we arrive at what we think someone means vs what they are saying to us. Now you can see how communication can get fuzzy and frustrating.

The next time you're having a difficult conversation, I challenge you: stop looking beyond the words and start hearing with a clear mind. Set aside past hurt, disappointments, anger, resentment etc and listen to what the other person is saying. Imagine how many great relationships can be saved if one or both individuals avoid listening with their hearts and the damaged portions of their minds....but rather the sound, healthy & rational regions. We've all done it. At some point in our lives we've all totally missed the mark when someone was attempting to communicate with us. This can cost us friendships, relationships, jobs etc. The picture above illustrates how people hear the exact same thing in many different ways. With practice, understanding & patience you can become a better communicator and those people in your circle will reap the benefit.

Have a great week!

Chanel-

Happy or Sad? You make the decision.

Happy or Sad? You make the decision.

"You know why it's hard to be happy? Because you find it hard to let go of the things that make you sad." (c) The Notebook

I pray you all had a great week! Summer is here and I'm actually very excited for what this summer will bring me. Bring on the heat!

 First, I want to thank all of you that comment, send me text messages, emails & calls about this blog. It really serves as an inspiration to me and it does keep me going, even when I don't feel like it. You keep me accountable. So, thank you...thank you and thank you again. It means so much.

I came across the above quote on twitter and I just had to blog and share with you all. I actually started this reframing about a year and a half ago...when I find myself thinking about things that make me sad, I immediately replace it with thoughts that make me happy. It works! It's common place to get in the dumps about something. In fact, life & experience will often bring us things that will not be very pleasant. But, we DO have a special ability to neutralize how we feel and how long we feel it.

There are some memories that I honestly don't want to remember...but I have to. Although very hurtful, painful and just down right sad...they've shaped and molded me into the person I am. So, I thank God now that those thoughts DO return every now and again. They serve as a reminder of how much I've overcome, how much He loves me, and how much stronger...better...& wiser I am.

Some people get "stuck" in constantly thinking about those things that make them sad. They refuse to let go of the pain. Not on purpose, but it's just the way their mind has been operating most of their lives. You know the folks, who almost never seem happy or joyful? They are almost always the black cloud when you speak to them or when they are in your company? They give negative and sad reports about everything in their lives!? It almost makes you want to ask, "Are you EVER happy?" "Do you EVER have a positive experience to share?!"

Do me a favor; share this blog link with them. This can be your Pay It Forward. Plant the seed of "letting go and really being happy" into their lives. This starts with reprogramming thoughts. I've beat this so many times but, the art of positive thinking is what I stand by and encourage in ALL areas of living. This goes for emotional health, spiritual health, physical health and mental health. It's a decision to make...do you want to always be in a state of unhappiness/saddness or happiness and joy? You decide.....

Have a great week!

Chanel-

Don't Forget to Live...Kanye West

In all your striving...Don't forget to live.

This blog will not be the "typical" blog. It's more so a personal revelation. If you get something from it, great. If not...at some point in your life I pray it is brought back to your remembrance and you will.

I was listening to one of Kanye West songs from the 808 Heartbreak album. I've listened to it hundreds of times over the past few years. But today, I heard something on one of the tracks that hit especially home for me and was really a light bulb moment. The track "Welcome Heartbreak" jilted me into a "wow" moment and I was rendered speechless for a few seconds. I wondered why I had never heard or digested the lyrics before even though I've sang it a million times?! Then it came to me...because it wasn't meant for me to at that stage of my life. But now, I'm here and it made perfect sense. I just want to share a few of the lyrics with you:

My friend showed me pictures of his kids
And all I could show him was pictures of my cribs
He said his daughter got a brand new report card (card)
And all I got was a brand new sports car
And my head keeps spinning
Can't stop having these visions
I gotta get wit' it
G'head crack a joke all the kids laugh
But I couldn't hear em all the way in first class
Chased the good life my whole life long
Look back on my life and my life gone
Where did I go wrong?
My god sister gettin' married by the lake
But I couldn't figure out who I want to take
Bad enough that I showed up late
I had to leave 'fore they even cut the cake
Welcome to Heartbreak

I've spent most of my adult years (thus far) striving for this perfect life. Career, finances, real estate, academics etc. Pushing myself. Aiming for better. BEST. I've put things on hold and just delayed many things in my life. Now, at 34...I look around and most of my friends have families & kids and in my opinion they are truly living! They look at me and think the same of my situation. They want the freedom I have...I desire the elements of what they have. It's funny because I never thought I would find myself wanting any of that. I feel like I have the "other stuff" but I really desire the next chapter of my life. A family. I often wonder why my life took the direction it has. I often wonder why certain things had to happen in order for me to be here. I'm looking at how life has evolved around me and I find myself saying, "Wow, where has the time gone??!!" Despite it all I can say that I'm grateful. I don't know why but I do know that everything has a season and an appointed time. This life of mine is out of my control anyway. I would not be honest if I said that I didn't at least wonder.

Listening to these lyrics, I carry on. Putting into the Universe exactly what I want out of it. Praying that the seeds I've planted. The tears I've cried. The joys of my accomplishments will eventually take root and birth a great harvest!

I'm not sure if any of you can identify with this blog. But if you are the person that can...I simply say, even in your striving and grinding and just wanting the best...don't stop living! Take life as it comes. Things may not come in the precise order that YOU think it should. Work hard, give life your all but in all of that, don't forget to live.

Have a great week!

Chanel-

Celebrate TOGETHER!

You may be blocking your OWN blessing

Happy Monday...I pray you all had an amazing weekend. I know I did! I'm so thankful for family & friends that love me unconditionally. It was mos def a blessed weekend.

Are you still paying it forward? If, not...do something nice for someone today. If you are, keep the positive energy flowing! The Universe thanks you!

Over the past few months, I've come across several situations where people have truly been blessed. Be it new jobs, promotions, finances, relationships, healing, new cars, homes, educational advances etc. And, it really made my heart a little heavy when they shared that there were people directly in their space that opted out of celebrating what God did for them....with them. People who they thought would be happy for them and the direction their life was taking. People that knew the struggle and "story" behind where they once were and where God has brought them to. People who for whatever reason....refused to be happy and celebrate WITH them. Then it hit me........Everyone won't celebrate with you, but that should never stop YOU from celebrating and thanking God for what He has done.

Jealousy & envy have been cancerous to many relationships, not just intimate ones. They both destroy from the inside out. If you are at a negative place in your life and you see a friend or family member being blessed...do you not know that celebrating someone else’s happiness can open the windows of heaven for you?! If you are in need of a financial blessing and someone you know just came into a big sum of money...celebrate WITH them! If you are in need of a physical or mental healing...celebrate WITH the person who has been healed. If you desire a healthy & loving relationship and someone in your space has been blessed in that area...celebrate WITH them! As long as you continue to be the person that brings the black cloud over someone else’s happiness, joy & celebration, trust and believe you reap a negative seed into your own life.

 Romans 12:15 - “Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep."

We all have seasons where it may be difficult to be around people who are being blessed in an area that we are actively praying for God to move. Trust me, been there, done that...got the keychain. But what I also know is...celebrating and truly being happy for someone that is being blessed made all the difference in Him favoring ME in certain areas of my life. It also gave me encouragement that if He will do it for them, I know He can and will do it for me! More importantly, what God has for me, it is for me! He may not give me what I want but He will provide me with what I need. It's also reassuring to know that in addition to our needs...God will always throw in a few wants! *smile*

So, celebrate with your brothers and sisters who are celebrating right now. Be happy for them! Set aside your own personal feelings, opinions and SELF to just be happy and genuine. You don't know what God is doing in their life. All you see is what your natural eye shows. You have no idea how God may be moving on them spiritually by bringing this particular season to their life. Sitting around waiting and wishing for someone to fall is surely a way to keep you from being blessed. AND, it may even encourage God to move even GREATER in that person’s life. I encourage you all to rejoice and celebrate with the people in your space. It may be just the thing you need to shift and bring about your OWN breakthrough.

Have a Super Dooper week!!

Chanel-

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Holy Week 2011

Hello everyone, this weeks Blog is dedicated to the ultimate sacrifice; Jesus dying for our sins.  I'm so full right now because no matter what the sin is....He died to save us from it. To save us from ourselves.

Like us, in His human form, Jesus asked God to take the cup from Him. He KNEW what he ultimately had to do and didn't want to. He KNEW all that would come in his final hours. He cried. He asked "why?" 

This was proof to me that when I find myself in dark places I cannot beat myself up when I react in ways that are simply....human. Feeling like the things I do aren't amounting to anything. Feeling upset when I feel people misjudge or mislabel me. Feeling like, "Lord WHY ME?" Feeling like I sometimes have too much weight on my shoulders. Feeling like I've been wronged or treated ill by people that I loved and them not giving it a second thought. Feeling like I'm tired of always being the one that has to be the bigger person and show love, understanding and forgiveness. Then I remember....Jesus said, "Not MY Will but Yours Be Done." And I continue to press. I may not like all the cups dealt to me, but I thank God he saw me able to drink from the ones He has given me. I'm thankful that He deemed me strong enough to have gone though the things that I have...and I've come out like shining diamond! Gone thru the fire but Thank God I'm Stronger. Better Wiser! Enjoying this wonderful place that my life is currently in & just giving Thanks!!

I Thank Him for deciding to stay up on the cross just to save me.

Here is one of my favorite songs for this time of year.

                            Rev. James Cleveland "He Decided to Die"

When Jesus hung on Calvary,

people came from miles to see;

they said, if you be the Christ,

come down and save your life.

Oh but Jesus, my sweet Jesus,

He never answered them,

for He knew that Satan was tempting Him.

If He had come down from the cross,

then my soul would still be lost.

Chorus

He would not come down

from the cross just to save Himself;

He decided to die just to save me.

Have a great week & enjoy your Holy Week services.

Chanel-

Making Better Decisions

Making Better Decisions

Pay It Forward: Starting next month I will be volunteering my time at Roberta's House as a Grief and Loss dialogue facilitator. Roberta's House is a safe place where children, teens and adults discover that they are not alone in their grief and engage in mutual help. Children with their families share their feelings, memories and experiences in an atmosphere of acceptance with the love and support of trained volunteers.  

Roberta's house volunteers with professional staff assist children, teens and adults on how to experience and express their feelings safely and in a healthy manner. Working through the necessary grief task and understanding the essential needs of a child's grief allow families to support each other and communicate more effectively.  At Roberta's House children/families and adults can receive the support they need and look to the future with confidence and hopeful anticipation to develop quality relationships.

 

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” - Albert Camus

This week’s blog is centered on making better decisions. I selected the above quote because life is INDEED the sum of all our choices. There are some people that always seem to make the worst possible decisions in many areas of their lives. That one person, that often makes you ask the question "What were you thinking when you made THAT decision??!" It seems they always find themselves in a bind, crazy situation or really dangerous position simply because of the decisions they have made. I'm sure we all know at least one person in our space that fits that bill.

It is true that even when we make the wrong decisions, we can learn something from them. When we are open to learn from those situations, a wrong decision has the ability to build character, make us humble, wiser, strong & better. The key here is learning from them. You should NOT find yourself making the same bad decision(s) over and over again. This is actually a pattern of destructive behavior and the consequences are oftentimes more severe and detrimental to your overall well-being.

When you visualize the progression of your life, your goals, aspirations etc....the decisions you make today should reflect those things. Meaning, the decisions you make today should reflect where you ultimately want to end up. If you are making foolish, unwise & emotional based decisions your destination and journey will reflect those decisions. Please know, I'm not saying that everything will end up just as you planned it but I will say that when you make faith-based decisions from a place of wisdom (having most if not all the information needed) you are allowing the universe to guide you in the right direction.

When I make decisions at this point of my life I ask myself, "How does this particular decision align with where I want my life to progress?" I try to make the best possible decisions. If the decision/action is in direct contradiction to what I want in my future...I avoid it. I don't always succeed but I am at least mindful of the impact making a bad decision can have on those things I want in my future. **I would be doing this blog a disservice if I left out the fact that many times, making NO decision out of fear of making the wrong one can be just as destructive as making a bad one.**

If you want a better credit score: make decisions that will help you on that journey. STOP using your charge cards, pay some off, opt out of buying something you really don't need, budget your money and pay bills on-time etc. If you want a healthy loving relationship: make the decision to invest time with your partner, establish lines of trust, peace, discover ways to become or re-establish your friendship, keep the BIG monsters OUT of your relationship (we all know what they are). If you want a career change: make the decision to go back to school, take a few courses to brush up on your skills if you are rusty in some areas, attend job fairs, update your resume' etc.

Making better decisions is critical to your journey and the path you take to get there. I challenge us all to make the decision to make better decisions....the course of your life will thank you for it!

Have a super week!

Chanel-

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” - Albert Camus

Take the Risk!

The Reward of Risk

(Please take a few seconds to read the text in the above Picture....)

"I would rather fail in trying, than succeed at being mediocre."  - Chanel T. Bastfield
 

Good Afternoon Everyone! I pray your weekend was splendid and you had a chance to enjoy the wonderful weather.

Pay It Forward: I sponsored a child from my church to play laser tag. The fee was only $13 bucks but with the economy being so fickle, that may be the determining factor in whether a kid can go on the trip or not. So...I gave the money for an unknown kid to enjoy a day of laser tag fun.

This week’s blog is about taking risk! I've been researching Dr. Ben Carson all morning and he has some great insight into the notion of taking acceptable risk. The key term being acceptable. If you never step out of your comfort zone and launch out into the deep, how will you ever learn or experience the FULL potential of what this life has for YOU. In my opinion, we tend to stay in our comfort zones because it's the safe space that we feel we have control over. If we stick to what we know, we minimize our chances of getting disappointed and or rejected. As creatures of habit, being in control of our destiny and everything therein {or at least feeling like we are} makes us feel secure. Right?

Taking the risk is oftentimes associated with negative results. "It's not worth the risk" or "Avoid the risk at all cost" are just a few mindsets that keep people in a state of mediocrity. Yes, you may temporarily avoid disappointment, yes, you may temporarily feel accomplished in your complacency but you may also experience great reward and personal fulfillment in taking the risk!

For example: I think back to when I was playing the penny machines at the casino...yes, playing the penny machines were safe, didn't seem to cost me much and when I won...it made me feel like I was doing something special by seeing 500 winner on the screen!! But....as I graduated to playing the quarter machines I realized...my cost may be a little more and the risk of loss is higher...but when I did win 500..it was 500 QUARTERS instead of 500 PENNIES! You get the picture I'm painting?

I stepped out of my comfort zone and looked at the big picture. This helped me to see that staying safe and taking minimal risk isn't always the answer for success. There will be times when you have to throw caution to the wind and take the risk! There will be times when you have to make a decision where the risk of loss may be higher but...instead of looking at what you could lose, look at what you could possibly gain! Also, even if you make the decision to take the risk...and it's not the best decision, at least you've received a valuable life lesson and you can say, "I at least tried and I now know the results of that particular action." Dr. Carson outlines how to determine when to take the risk and his system is one that I feel could lead to empowerment in many dynamics of life! If you are interested in this topic pick up his book, Take the Risk: Learning to Identify, Choose, and Live With Acceptable Risk.

Perhaps you are dealing with an issue in your professional or personal life and you are struggling over making a move based on the risk of the decision. To get you started answer the following questions:

- What’s the best that can happen if I do this?

 - What’s the worst that can happen if I do this?

      - What’s the best that can happen if I don't do this?

       - What’s the worst that can happen if I don't do this?

The risk just may lead to an even GREATER reward!

Have an AMAZING week!

Chanel-