Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Miss. Communication.

Miss. Communication.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” ~ Anthony Robbins

Good Morning Everyone! I'm fresh from vacation and getting back into the swing of normal life! Vacations are so awesome but coming back to work takes effort to say the least. lol Are you still paying it forward? I am! It feels amazing to do something nice for someone and I can't stress it enough.

This weeks blog is about communication. How well do you communicate? How many times have you said something to someone and they totally misunderstood or misinterpreted what you said? How many times have the lines of communication been so morphed that you left the conversation feeling overwhelmed, confused and frustrated? Well, if I could write a book on just those few questions, I'd probably be rich! From personal experience I can share that I've been involved in certain situations where I've literally felt like I was speaking a foreign language to someone in my attempts to have a simple conversation with them. No matter how uncomplicated I spoke, they just never seemed to understand where I was coming from. No matter how much of a loving tone I put on my words, they just always seemed to read something negative. No matter how open tried to be with sharing of feelings, thoughts, ideas or perspectives, they always seemed to shut them down.
Trust me, I've had my share and to tell you the truth I walked away from those situations feeling like, "Why do they hear something totally different from what I'm saying??!" Then......It.....Hit......Me.

Communication is more than just the words you use, the tone and the delivery. Effective Communication has more to do with perception, life experiences and the battlefield of the mind. Notice I used effective here and that I feel is key. Many people have been hurt, abused, let down, disappointed, neglected etc and all these factors come into play when you are communicating even the simplest information to them. When you are attempting to have an emotionally heavy or difficult conversation with someone who has been hurt or disappointed so much in their lives...their perception of what you are actually saying can be jaded by what they've come accustom to. Hurt. Many people don't know how to have constructive conversations. Many people are actually thinking of a rebuttal as the other person speaks as opposed to actually listening. In addition, when the other person is speaking, they also have to fight through the damaged perceptions of their mind to decipher what they think the person means. Most times...we are wrong when we arrive at what we think someone means vs what they are saying to us. Now you can see how communication can get fuzzy and frustrating.
The next time you're having a difficult conversation, I challenge you: stop looking beyond the words and start hearing with a clear mind. Set aside past hurt, disappointments, anger, resentment etc and listen to what the other person is saying. Imagine how many great relationships can be saved if one or both individuals avoid listening with their hearts and the damaged portions of their minds....but rather the sound, healthy & rational regions. We've all done it. At some point in our lives we've all totally missed the mark when someone was attempting to communicate with us. This can cost us friendships, relationships, jobs etc. The picture above illustrates how people hear the exact same thing in many different ways. With practice, understanding & patience you can become a better communicator and those people in your circle will reap the benefit.

Have a great week!


    Recently, I had a very similar discussion with a person very dear to me, after our conversation turned into an argument. Once things settle I explained how TONE can easily change the meaning of words- the tone alone, quickly sent me into defensive mode which inturn caused me to be unable to receive anything from the conversation. The 2nd time around, I understood everything but how often do we get a second chance....

  2. MyVoiceMyJourneyJune 29, 2011 at 5:03 AM

    Thank you for your feedback ESP. Yes, many times a second chance at attempting a heavy conversation means new walls and new barriers. It takes practice. We are all a work in progress. The key is being mindful of it. I'm glad this worked out for you. I really appreciate you supporting this blog.