Love and Heartbreak

Love and Heartbreak

 

 

At some point we all experience the hurt and devastation of heartbreak. It's not fun. To put it plainly....it sends your life into a deep black abyss that seems endless. Love is the most powerful emotion. It has the ability to make you feel on top of the world. On the other-hand, the loss of love can make you feel like life as you know it is over.

Heartbreak usually occurs when you are on the losing side of the love coin. You want the relationship while the other person has not only ended it but moved on with their life. You feel left holding the emotional bag of failed promises and a lost future. You watch all of your dreams, hopes and plans for a future with that person go up in flames. There is no denying that heartbreak is one of the things we all wish we could avoid. To be in the position of wanting someone to love you, the way you love them, when they've made it clear that will not happen is a hard reality pill to swallow.

The fact is the other person has taken the necessary time to deal with his/her feelings and moved on from the relationship. This was all done before they officially informed you it was over. They've had time to weigh the options, get their ducks in a row, and just found the perfect {or not so perfect} time to break the news to you. This mental process on their end began some time ago. I've always said, when a relationship ends and the split is not mutual....9 times out of 10 the relationship was over long before it became official to the other person. I hope that makes sense. Well, for those of us who have been on either side of the heartbreak coin, it makes perfect sense.

If you've found this blog I'm sure you're experiencing the hurt and pain of heartbreak right now. First, I want to say that although the hurt seems unbearable right now, it does get better. You will laugh, love and feel like yourself again. I promise. I know it doesn't look like it right now but you will. The key is using this hurt and alone time constructively. By that I mean, take this time to do some self reflection, don't obsess over the person, stop taking about the breakup, don't torture yourself by constantly re-living the moment and stop strolling down memory lane and playing the "what if" game. Simply acknowledge the role you played in the relationship (both positive and negative), examine your life and make positive changes. Take care of yourself health wise and become a better you! Learn from the experience and make modifications where needed.

 

Can I help you grow for a second?

 

1. The universe has a way of protecting us even when we don't know it. God see's all and He knows all. I know you thought that person was the one but God always knows best. You don't know what the future holds, God does. There may be something coming down the line in the future that you don't know of and God is removing you from that situation so you won't get caught up in it! Just say, "Lord, I don't know why this happened but I'm thanking you anyhow!" If He deems something or someone as good he grants it. If not, He won't. It's really that simple. Just trust God on this and know that if someone is removed from your life involuntarily...there is a good reason, even if you don't see it right now. Trust God over your feelings. You'll never go wrong with that.

 

2. When God is working to mold you, grow you and develop you into the person you are destined to be.....there is a process. That process almost always involves pain. Sorry to be the one to break that to you but it's true. When God is trying to get your attention and draw you closer to Him...He will use situations and people for His will in your life. This heartbreak could be a result of that. Through pain, hurt and disappointment we tend to call out to God. It really sucks that we have to reach such lows in life before we seek Him. But, we are human and He knows. I'm only speaking from experience and I can assure you that through heartbreak and life's storms; I am stronger, better and wiser! I've learned to lean on Him and trust His process in my life. I will not lie and say that I enjoyed one bit of my molding. However, that heartbreak was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. It led me to Christ and made me a far better person. I love who I am now. I was made new from that situation. I'm humble, considerate and just living my best life! So you see, what you currently view as the most painful thing you've ever experienced, could turn out to be the best thing for you. After my transformation I met my wife. I'm so thankful God's timing is perfect! She got the person she deserves. I love freely. I love Christ. And more importantly, my heartbreak was preparing me for the moment when I would receive the gift of true love.

 

So, hang in there and know there is a reason for this season in your life. It's a process. You just have to learn whatever lesson this is teaching you. It does and will get better. Just lean on God and seek his comfort. Things will be revealed to you. Don't down play the set up for your blessing. Character and intergrity are built in those very situations we wish we could escape. Focus on becoming a better you and know that God knows what's best for your life. Trust in his process and timing. Even when you don't understand and it hurts to the core. Have faith that this will all work out for your good.

 

 

 

 



2013 Expecting the GREAT!

This will be my final blog of 2012!

This has truly been one amazing year. I had a few silent moments when I got to work today so I went back thru the blog entries from 2012. How exciting!? I am blessed and looking forward to another wonderful year. I strive to be a better person, partner and mama to my little daughter scheduled to arrive in March.

 

 I delare that whatever comes my way in the new year, God will be there with me every step of the way! He will never leave my side and with Him all things are possible. He is my source of strength, comfort, peace, joy and anything else I need.  As with any new year you never know what will come your way. It's easy to be afraid of what may happen in 2013 But I rebuke the spirit of fear in the name of JESUS!

 

I may not know what 2013 holds.... BUT I know WHO holds 2013!!

 

Happy NEW YEAR Blog World!!

 

 

Chanel-

Updates and Baby News... Oh My!

Hahaha! I love this picture and it totally captures the energy of this blog entry.

So, I sometimes provide blog world with an intimate look into what's going on in my life and this holiday season is the perfect time to do that.

 

Where do I start....oh, school. Yeah, so I didn't quit after all. In fact, I went into this semester with my A game! I knew I could do it if I just stopped saying, "I can't do this." It makes a world of difference when you actually start speaking life. Now, please don't misunderstand....I STILL feel like it's a lot but finishing up this semester strong has changed my perspective. I'm still waiting for my grades but I'm sure I did well. The question is how well.

Now that this semester is officially over, I am now ready for my Masters degree in Negotiation and Conflict Management due to be placed IN my hand in May~! I will be done with school in 5 months! Yaaaay me!

.................Oh, and I found out this semester that I am in the top 5% of my Graduate degree class AND was the top student in both the Negotiations and Mediation classes this semester! I ROCK! Thank God I didn't give up.

 

The Baby....Sweet Princess Chandler:

 

My wife and I are expecting a little GIRL!! Many of you already know but some were left at the gender reveal party blog entry and had no clue. So, there you have it folks! Baby Bastfield is a wonderful baby girl. Chandler Talia. My daughter. OH MY GAWD I'm gonna be a MaMa!! Whoa! Sounds funny just saying that. Nicole has done AWESOME thus far. We are officially in the 3rd trimester and all is well. She passed her glucose test and has had no issues with her blood pressure. Things are just really coming along well and I'm so proud of her. I just pray I'm as good of a human oven as she has been when my turn comes.

Chandler is so active these days and Nicole is not getting much sleep. We did our tour of the OB Unit where we will deliver this week and it really made this whole thing real to the both of us. We are just so over the moon excited and thankful. God has truly blessed us. As of today we only have 90 days til her due date! We have already finished her nursery and have received so many clothes and shoes for her! We are so grateful! Chandler already has more clothes than I do and we haven't even had our baby shower yet. We just pray people actually go by our registry and get the items we scanned. If they do, we will be SET! We are scheduled to take the lactation class next month so hopefully we will get some great pointers on feeding the little one.

I'm so ready to meet my daughter. I want her to stay in the human oven for as long as she needs to but with each day I feel more and more ready to be a parent. It's taken 36 years of living to prepare me for this journey and I'm just ready. I know there are sacrifices that come with the territory but Nicole and I have just planned so much and went thru so much to get here. Now, we just have to face the challenge head on and pray for guidance in raising our kid.

We continue to pray for those families still trying to conceive. It's a long hard road but your time will come. We pray your little bundle(s) of joy is just one cycle away. Hang in there.

 

Marriage is wonderful. I have an amazing wife and the kid is healthy. I'm blessed.

 

Happy Holidays Everyone!

 

From: Chanel, Nicole, Chandler & Mr. Kameron (The Fur Baby)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop Trying to Change People!

I've come to realize that we often spend way too much counter-productive time trying to change and mold other people into who we want them to be. Specifically in our intimate relationships. I can honestly say some of the biggest mistakes I've made in my own past relationships was trying to change a grown adult into the person I needed at that time in my life. Huge mistake. 

The reality is when you enter into a relationship with the expectation of the other person changing into who YOU want them to be; you are setting the stage for them to not only resent you but the demise of that relationship. 

The one thing people want to maintain in a relationship is their own identity. Even as you two become a unit they still need a sense of self in order to be whole. You cannot and will not ever complete another person. Completeness happens from within. If you are constantly trying to change them they will slowly lose a sense of who they are. Subtle things like attempting to change the way someone dresses, how they style their hair, how they speak, what their interest are...I could go on and on but you get the picture. You may think you are trying to change them for the better according to your standards but the truth is this could have very negative consequences. Resentment, bitterness and anger are often the by-products of you attempting to change your significant other.

The fact is the person you're with may never change. And...if they do change it will be something that they must want to do for themselves. You don't have the power to evoke change in another human being who does not see your vision of how they need to be. Sorry to be the one to tell you that. Lifestyle changes, like losing weight, stop smoking cigarettes, stop cursing etc...again, are all changes that must come from the internal desire to change. 

What I've learned dating my wife and now in our marriage is that in order to experience the true joy of a healthy happy relationship; you must learn to love the person right where they are. You must learn to find peace and understanding even in those things that you may see as a flaw. That's the beauty of a balanced relationship. Flaws and all. For the first time in my adult life I didn't enter into the relationship with my wife trying to change her. I accepted her for who she was and what she brought to my life. Sure, there were small things along the way that she changed for me but they were things that she ultimately wanted to change within herself. I was just the influence she needed to make it happen. And the same goes for the changes I've made in my life. But, even if she didn't...that was okay as well. We've rubbed off on each other in positive ways and we both love it!

So, I challenge you today...stop trying to change your spouse or the person you're dating. If you have that many issues with them then perhaps they are not the one for you and you need to be honest with yourself and the other person about that. Any changes that need to be made within them, life has a funny way of taking care of that. Just relax and enjoy the differences between you two and try to find a common ground. You'll appreciate your mate more when you stop trying to change them into someone they're not.

Turkey. Family and Being Thankful

I realized I missed my two year Blogiversary. October 28th, 2010 I started this blog to share my own teachable life lessons with people all around the world. I had no idea how to go about it when I started but I knew that if I prayed about the content before I posted...God would send exactly who needed to read each and every entry. I'm thankful for this blog because it allows me to share moments of my own life that have in fact helped other people. Blogging serves as a release for me and I'm thankful for the opportunity to reach the masses.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

As Thanksgiving approaches I'm reminded of so many people who have suffered loss this year. I think many people take for granted that family and friends present at the dinner table one Thanksgiving will be there the next. I pray for those who are mourning and I also pray that God comforts your heart and gives you peace.

Thank you.....
For Blessing my wife and I with Chandler
For my amazing wife who is truly my soul-mate
For a core group of friends
For a job that pays the bills as God meets my every need
For my family that has supported me in every area of my life
For my Toyota Solara that has over 223k miles on it
For a new roof that protects my family from the elements
For health and strength
For Kameron who adds so much spice to the household
For the memory of Sabre' who I miss so terribly 
For allowing me to beat the spirit of defeat, sadness and inadequacy 
For renewing my mind in terms of finances! On my way to #Team800!!
For my wonderful Church home
For my spiritual growth
For protecting me from seen and unseen dangers
For grace, mercy and favor in my life
For having my back in ALL ways and in ALL situations
For blessing me to see my 36th birthday which falls on Thanksgiving day (And even if I don't live to see it Thank you for a special place in Heaven!)
This list could really go on and on but I just wanted to take the time out to say......

Lord. I Thank You.

Happy Thanksgiving Blog World!!

Lesbian's CAN make babies. Boy or Girl?

I very rarely write trying to conceive updates on my blog. And this will probably be the only one I do here. My wife covers that area over in Word.Press and when she does (sarcasm font) update she does a wonderful job! *smile* I stalk her blog and she stalks mine. How cute?! lol 

We both use blog world to help people. Her blog specifically covers the ups and downs of two super innovative lesbians trying to make a baby! Mine covers spiritual journey's and life lessons. 

Her blog goes into detail about the adventures of sperm meets egg with my handy work and the oh so powerful syringe, ovulation predictor kits and 45 minutes of her nearly standing on her head! lol 

Oh, I cannot leave out a Physician that helped us along, MUCH prayer and selecting a donor who will forever be in our hearts. 

If only people realized how much effort gay's and lesbian's have to put into making a baby! It's not easy nor is it cheap emotionally or financially. These kids are SO loved before those 2 pink lines show up on the test. There are no "slip ups" with rainbow kids. For obvious reasons but I digress. We have to plan, budget and make sacrifices for our kids before they are even conceived. 

You won't find a lesbian couple leaving their baby on the church steps!! Not to shade you hetero's but these kids owe us thousands of dollars upon birth! We want them to grow up and become rich to take care of us and pay us back all the money we spent to bring them into the world! (Now you may laugh)..No seriously....you get my point. -Please don't send me hate mail comments... that was a joke blog world and I'm sure many lesbian's are probably laughing hysterically right now-

The great thing about rainbow babies is that the parents get to carefully select the other half of the DNA contributions that goes into making their super kids! How cool is that?! It's a process to say the least and we wouldn't change our journey for the world.

We prayed. And the child that God hand-picked for us was sent down from the clouds. We are so blessed. This is a amazing time for us and we are just enjoying every moment of it together. The nesting phase is comforting and we just give God all the praise for it. 

I want to send up a special prayer for all the other gay and lesbian couples still waiting for that prayer to be answered. Stay encouraged and know that you do have fellow bloggers that are cheering for you.

Now..............

This weekend we will find out if our baby is a Boy or a Girl. OmgOmgOmg! We are literally bursting out the seams over here. I mean...we technically could have found out several weeks ago but we wanted to wait for that special moment to share with our family and friends. At our gender reveal party. It took so much discipline to not find out at each of the ultrasounds! Covering our eyes while the technician squealed was so hard!

It's so amazing that we are halfway through the pregnancy. It seems like just yesterday we were in the bathroom crying, hugging and screaming when we got the positive pregnancy test! Now the belly is huge and we just want to know if we are #TeamGirl or #TeamBoy! My Wife and I have no preference but trust me...the teams are gearing up for the big reveal this weekend and some people are convinced they know! This is gonna be fun to say the least. 

Oh, you may be wondering how we plan to reveal the s.ex? Well, we went to Little Bo Peep Ultrasound facility and had a gender scan performed. We covered our eyes and turned away from the monitor. Then, the Tech captured the "potty shot," typed boy or girl on it... and she sealed it in an envelope! We took the envelope and mailed it DIRECTLY Diva Sweets Bakery. Thanks Dani!! lol....If the ultrasound reveals boy the middle of the cake will be blue. If it's a girl...it will be pink. When we cut the cake in front of our family and friends we will all find out together! I'm so excited. So, do you think boy or girl? We shall all find out in a few days! 

Friendships Through All Seasons

"Friendships that truly stand the test of time are those that survive every season. The Good. The Bad. And the Boring." (c) Chanel Bastfield

It took several weeks of going back and forth with whether to blog about friendships. I'm not sure why but I know someone like myself needs to read this. Over the past few years I have paid very close attention to my friendships. Those that came and went. And those that have stood the test of time. I've had some friendships  literally last only a season. It was fun while it lasted but for whatever reason they are no longer in my life. No love lost...it's just the way life played out. 

Then there are those friendships that have been a constant in every stage of my growth and development into adulthood. That being, grade school friend's and friends that I have met in the past few years who are like my family. I have a hand-full of friends with whom I share over 30 years of life, experience and unbreakable bonds. 

The friendships that have stood over 30 years are in fact those that survived every season of my life. When I was young dumb and stupid, when I was the party animal, when I answered to no one but myself as well as my current seasons of maturity. Which are; the seasons of surrendering my life to Christ. The seasons of me being settled and not wanting to party all the time or hang out. The seasons of focusing on family, my career and my education. The seasons of just wanting to live the best life I can live void of as much drama as possible.

Yes, the true test of friendships are those that no matter what comes or what goes...they survive. That I've found is the key. They survive. 

Friends bicker, friends don't always see eye-to-eye, friend's don't always speak every single day. But...friends respect each other and always have each other's best interest at heart. They are there for each other through good times and bad. They realize that even when things aren't perfect between them they are truly friends and nothing can come between that. Most importantly, you always communicate how you feel and never let petty misunderstandings come between you. If that happens the "friendship" needs to be re-evaluated. 

No, you may not be as close as you were in high school but you still check in on each other. No, you may not talk every day but you still send an email saying "hello." No, you may not be at each other's house every weekend but you still make time to meet up for lunch. No, you may not even talk for several weeks but at some point you check in to make sure everything is okay. Life, children, marriages, relocation, health, finances...they all have a way of putting pressure on friendships. But true friends understand.

Those are indeed the types of seasons most friendships go through. And only the strong ones will survive when life brings change. They morph and grow into what the friendship needs to be. They blossom into whatever form they need to take to nurture the people involved. 

Friendship dynamics may change but the loyalty, respect and love between them do not. If you want to know if you currently have one of those blessed friendships; simply let life unfold and see how they morph. 

Chanel-