Transparency Series #1

I wanted to do something different.

This Blog isn't my typical entry.


I decided to do a blog entry just to get my thoughts recorded. I will call it my "Transparency Series." I realize that blogs are more authentic when people get to read/see vulnerability in the writer. So much has happened in the past two weeks. Some really wonderful things and some things I wish would just go away! I can say that my faith has increased here lately because for the first time in my life I realize I cannot do this thing called life without handing things over to God. I would literally worry myself into an early grave. It's like, when something goes wrong I obsess over it. Worrying about how I'm going to "fix" it..what will the outcome be? Things like that. I had to stop and say. "If I keep down this road...I'm going to cause all kinds of health problems and probably not live a authentic life." So, I decided to release control. I do what I can...and I make sure I'm living the best life I can...but other than that..I release the need to fix problems, my future or anything therein. I just can't do it. I know this is exactly where God wanted me to be all along. I just had to get tired of being tired. I must add...I have peace with it all and I like this feeling :)
For the first time in my life I'm seriously considering hanging up my school career. I have my AS and my BS degree. I am 30 credits into my MS. I'm an "A" student and school comes easy for me. But..I'm tired. My attention span at 35 is NOT the same as it was at 25. These late night 11pm classes are killing me! Especially since I've been up since 6am and had to put in 8 hours at my full-time job! It's just too much at this point. I'm going to be married soon and prayerfully having my first kid this year. School just doesn't fit into the picture anymore. I know people will say.."you're SO close to finishing!" But, they are not the ones literally waking up after a long night in school wanting to cry when it's time to get up for work the next morning. If it's meant for me to go back at some point in my life, I will. For now...I'm really just feeling like that season is over for me.
I have faith that things will work out for EVERYTHING I'm facing in this season. The baby, job, school, house, finances, health...everything. Faith is not a feeling. It's believing that despite what you see...you believe that somehow, some way...God will make a way and come through on your behalf. As He's done SO many times before.

Tired.
Expecting The Great.