Making Better Decisions

Making Better Decisions

Pay It Forward: Starting next month I will be volunteering my time at Roberta's House as a Grief and Loss dialogue facilitator. Roberta's House is a safe place where children, teens and adults discover that they are not alone in their grief and engage in mutual help. Children with their families share their feelings, memories and experiences in an atmosphere of acceptance with the love and support of trained volunteers.  

Roberta's house volunteers with professional staff assist children, teens and adults on how to experience and express their feelings safely and in a healthy manner. Working through the necessary grief task and understanding the essential needs of a child's grief allow families to support each other and communicate more effectively.  At Roberta's House children/families and adults can receive the support they need and look to the future with confidence and hopeful anticipation to develop quality relationships.

 

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” - Albert Camus

This week’s blog is centered on making better decisions. I selected the above quote because life is INDEED the sum of all our choices. There are some people that always seem to make the worst possible decisions in many areas of their lives. That one person, that often makes you ask the question "What were you thinking when you made THAT decision??!" It seems they always find themselves in a bind, crazy situation or really dangerous position simply because of the decisions they have made. I'm sure we all know at least one person in our space that fits that bill.

It is true that even when we make the wrong decisions, we can learn something from them. When we are open to learn from those situations, a wrong decision has the ability to build character, make us humble, wiser, strong & better. The key here is learning from them. You should NOT find yourself making the same bad decision(s) over and over again. This is actually a pattern of destructive behavior and the consequences are oftentimes more severe and detrimental to your overall well-being.

When you visualize the progression of your life, your goals, aspirations etc....the decisions you make today should reflect those things. Meaning, the decisions you make today should reflect where you ultimately want to end up. If you are making foolish, unwise & emotional based decisions your destination and journey will reflect those decisions. Please know, I'm not saying that everything will end up just as you planned it but I will say that when you make faith-based decisions from a place of wisdom (having most if not all the information needed) you are allowing the universe to guide you in the right direction.

When I make decisions at this point of my life I ask myself, "How does this particular decision align with where I want my life to progress?" I try to make the best possible decisions. If the decision/action is in direct contradiction to what I want in my future...I avoid it. I don't always succeed but I am at least mindful of the impact making a bad decision can have on those things I want in my future. **I would be doing this blog a disservice if I left out the fact that many times, making NO decision out of fear of making the wrong one can be just as destructive as making a bad one.**

If you want a better credit score: make decisions that will help you on that journey. STOP using your charge cards, pay some off, opt out of buying something you really don't need, budget your money and pay bills on-time etc. If you want a healthy loving relationship: make the decision to invest time with your partner, establish lines of trust, peace, discover ways to become or re-establish your friendship, keep the BIG monsters OUT of your relationship (we all know what they are). If you want a career change: make the decision to go back to school, take a few courses to brush up on your skills if you are rusty in some areas, attend job fairs, update your resume' etc.

Making better decisions is critical to your journey and the path you take to get there. I challenge us all to make the decision to make better decisions....the course of your life will thank you for it!

Have a super week!

Chanel-

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” - Albert Camus

Take the Risk!

The Reward of Risk

(Please take a few seconds to read the text in the above Picture....)

"I would rather fail in trying, than succeed at being mediocre."  - Chanel T. Bastfield
 

Good Afternoon Everyone! I pray your weekend was splendid and you had a chance to enjoy the wonderful weather.

Pay It Forward: I sponsored a child from my church to play laser tag. The fee was only $13 bucks but with the economy being so fickle, that may be the determining factor in whether a kid can go on the trip or not. So...I gave the money for an unknown kid to enjoy a day of laser tag fun.

This week’s blog is about taking risk! I've been researching Dr. Ben Carson all morning and he has some great insight into the notion of taking acceptable risk. The key term being acceptable. If you never step out of your comfort zone and launch out into the deep, how will you ever learn or experience the FULL potential of what this life has for YOU. In my opinion, we tend to stay in our comfort zones because it's the safe space that we feel we have control over. If we stick to what we know, we minimize our chances of getting disappointed and or rejected. As creatures of habit, being in control of our destiny and everything therein {or at least feeling like we are} makes us feel secure. Right?

Taking the risk is oftentimes associated with negative results. "It's not worth the risk" or "Avoid the risk at all cost" are just a few mindsets that keep people in a state of mediocrity. Yes, you may temporarily avoid disappointment, yes, you may temporarily feel accomplished in your complacency but you may also experience great reward and personal fulfillment in taking the risk!

For example: I think back to when I was playing the penny machines at the casino...yes, playing the penny machines were safe, didn't seem to cost me much and when I won...it made me feel like I was doing something special by seeing 500 winner on the screen!! But....as I graduated to playing the quarter machines I realized...my cost may be a little more and the risk of loss is higher...but when I did win 500..it was 500 QUARTERS instead of 500 PENNIES! You get the picture I'm painting?

I stepped out of my comfort zone and looked at the big picture. This helped me to see that staying safe and taking minimal risk isn't always the answer for success. There will be times when you have to throw caution to the wind and take the risk! There will be times when you have to make a decision where the risk of loss may be higher but...instead of looking at what you could lose, look at what you could possibly gain! Also, even if you make the decision to take the risk...and it's not the best decision, at least you've received a valuable life lesson and you can say, "I at least tried and I now know the results of that particular action." Dr. Carson outlines how to determine when to take the risk and his system is one that I feel could lead to empowerment in many dynamics of life! If you are interested in this topic pick up his book, Take the Risk: Learning to Identify, Choose, and Live With Acceptable Risk.

Perhaps you are dealing with an issue in your professional or personal life and you are struggling over making a move based on the risk of the decision. To get you started answer the following questions:

- What’s the best that can happen if I do this?

 - What’s the worst that can happen if I do this?

      - What’s the best that can happen if I don't do this?

       - What’s the worst that can happen if I don't do this?

The risk just may lead to an even GREATER reward!

Have an AMAZING week!

Chanel-

Your Reflection

Reflecting shifts your Perspective.

Good Morning Everyone. I missed a week of blogging because an acute onset of Bronchitis and an Upper respiratory infection desired to give me a week off from work and all normal activities. But...I'm alive and now back to work! Thank you for all the emails and calls. I appreciate you all.

Pay It Forward: I paid for baby supplies for a young lady that looked like she could really use some help. I don't know why I always feel like crying after a pay it forward (sometimes I do) but the feeling is amazing and I just pray that the people who are touched by this movement really remember my deeds, see the Christ in my actions and do something for someone else.

--This weeks blog will be short....it's about reflection & the impact it can have on your perspective---

I came across another online blog that I started last year. It only had like 5 entries (not sure why I stopped) and it was a personal blog. So, it wasn't one that I shared with anyone like this one...it was more of a mental flow of thoughts, feelings and a season I was experiencing in my life. My FIRST impulse was to quickly EXIT out and not read it. Then, I took a deep breath and decided read. The blog captured an exact time of my life that may have been lost as a distant memory had I not recorded it in written form. Wow. I mean, it's one thing to remember something but when you have the actual event recorded and captured in whatever form...it takes on a whole new energy. So, after reading the entries...I took a few moments to, Reflect.

How many times in your life have you stumbled across an old photograph, ticket stub, heard a song, experienced a moment or smelled and scent that instantly took you back to a certain point in your life? I mean, the trigger almost made you feel the exact emotion behind the event it was SO intense? You may have even had to ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this or Where did this feeling come from?!!" All because something triggered you back to a moment of your life...I'm not speaking of only negative events here. I'm speaking of those moments in your journey through life that are a major part of who you are now...this very day.

I feel like reflective moments are given to us to evaluate, appreciate and enjoy...Life. Reflection can catapult you into a state of appreciation of the life you NOW live. It provides you with a vivid space to evaluate where your life is...and where it could have been. It also gives you an opportunity to remember and experience a moment that can give you peace, understanding and joy of certain situations. Reflecting is not dwelling, it's simply allowing yourself to BE in whatever moment is presented to you. If you take the time to reflect on your journey it may also give you clarity about other situations. You begin to see things for what they really are. You begin to realize that some things aren't as important as you once thought they were. You begin to evaluate situations in a totally different light. You begin to have peace about things that may have otherwise driven you off the deep end. You begin to value life and the things IN your life more. You begin to appreciate even the not-so-good moments. You begin to have an inner soothing about the uncertainties of life. You may begin to find the strength to keep on movin' on.

Allow yourself time to reflect. Don't get so caught up in the daily grind that you miss an opportunity to see just how far you've come, the person you’ve evolved into or the progress your life is making. You may be feeling like your life is at a stand still...or that you're stuck in limbo or that you're just gliding thru life and not really making any progress. Perhaps you're missing a loved one and just need a moment to find solidarity and comfort in their memory. Even if things are going GREAT in your life...I challenge you to reflect with an open heart, mind and spirit & be open to the universe guiding you. You'll be amazed at how your perspective about life will shift.

Have a fantastic week!

Chanel-

Stinkin' Thinkin'!

Is 'Stinkin Thinkin' Sabotaging Your Life?

                              

Happy President's Day! I'm sure most of you are still enjoying the comforts of your BED but some of us are actually at work. So...enjoy your day off! I pray this Monday is amazing for you...and you touch the life of someone else in a positive way.

Pay It Forward: I returned a brand new iphone4 that someone left at a game in Atlantic City. When the gentleman met me to get the phone back he attempted to pay me for returning it. I told him, "No, just pay it forward." I could never take money for doing something that I pray someone would do for ME if I lost something really valuable.

Today I want to blog a little about a phrase I've come to love. I first heard it by way of one of my favorite inspirational speakers, Joyce Meyer. I love her..she's so animated and raw! If you don't know who Joyce Meyer is...Google her. I promise you she will be a blessing! She is hilarious but speaks such truth. Anyway...the phrase, "Stinkin Thinkin" has NEVER made more sense to me than it does at this stage of my life. I talk a lot about the power of thoughts and the impact your mind can have in ALL areas of your life. This is something that I've struggled with. I have literally had to reprogram how I think and I STILL catch myself drifting off into the land of negative thoughts but at least now, I'm mindful of it so it's easier to snap myself right back out of it! In addition, because of this…it’s also very easy for me to recognize when other people are doing it. If you're honest with yourself...for just a moment, I'm sure you can recall moments in your life where your stinkin' thinkin' was the driving force behind an action or inaction that had a negative outcome.

Stinkin thinkin' has caused people to limit themselves in terms of higher education & careers...it has caused relationships and friendships to dissolve, it has caused individuals to fall into depression...feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness...I could go on and on. The unfortunate thing is....your thoughts (thinkin') are a by-product of your life experiences so; in many cases what you are thinkin isn't actually what IS. For instance, if you are always operating from a wounded, self-defeated, hurtful, angry, bitter, guarded & untrusting place...you will always look at circumstances in your life FROM these very places. So you are applying the same type of self-destructive thinking to NEW circumstances. Thus getting the SAME results such as: pushing people away, creating a "safe zone" in your life out of fear someone will hurt you, not applying for jobs, school etc and becoming stuck in self pity....Yes, self sabotage.

 Your thinkin' will cause you to keep reinforcing self-sabotage that in most cases is a subconscious thing. So, because you failed at school BEFORE...your stinkin thinkin' tells YOU that you won't ever be able to succeed. Because you didn't get the LAST job...your stinkin' thinkin tells YOU that I won't get this one either, so why try? Because the LAST person hurt you...your stinkin thinkin says THIS person will too! You will even subconsciously DO and LOOK for things to validate this irrational thinkin! If you meet someone that actually treats you nice and has the qualities of a wonderful partner, you will start to think, "This must be too good to be true...what is he/she hiding?" Or...You look for things that will validate something negative, when there really is nothing there! I use these examples to illustrate how this type of thinkin' can really be catastrophic to your life! Always thinkin' someone is out to hurt you, or you can’t trust people, or that you’re a failure...or always thinkin you can't or won't succeed will in fact make these things a reality! But here is the kicker, in many of these situations...it's NOT the other people....it's YOU. Your thinkin WILL have an impact on your life and how you respond to situations. You may not always realize it or want to own up to it but it does.

So, I challenge you today...EVERY time you start to think something negative replace it with a positive thought. Joyce talks about the Battlefield of your mind... (I highly recommend this book for a great read)...it will show you how your stinkin thinkin' controls your life in so many negative ways. It’s not always easy and it’s very frustrating but the reward will be YOU taking a stance to change the direction of your thoughts and decisions.

Have a super doper week!

Chanel-

Valentine's 365

                                                                Love is.......

I was immediately attracted to this particular picture & I think its kinda dope. No matter what the language...it's still all love.

Pay It Forward: I paid for a gentleman's items at the dollar store. I simply asked him if it was "ok" and he hesitated at first..but then he smiled and said, "That was a really nice thing to do." I must admit..it does make me feel uncomfortable at times because you never know how someone is going to react to you asking if it's ok. But..I've realized that saying, "I just want to do something nice for someone"..instead of "Let me help you" makes a difference. They don't feel like your trying to give them a handout..I guess.

The big love day is next Monday! Red balloons, candy, flowers, cards, massages and everything in between. I think it's wonderful that a special day is set aside for showing that special someone just how you feel and showering them with love. I support it 100%. I support it even more when the person knows AND feels this love all year around. Many people get caught up in the day instead of getting caught up in the fact that 02/15 is just hours away...and then what? Back to the same ole' same ole. I admire couples that really have healthy happy relationships ALL year long. They serve as a template for me and how I want my relationship to be. They have hills and valleys but understand that Valentine's Day type affection is needed even more so in the "valley" times. It makes you appreciate and cherish the high points all the more!

***80/20 rule runs across my mind*** Nobody is perfect. We ALL have flaws. Yes, even YOU! Don't let your 80 go for the 20. Instead..try to turn your 80 into 87.562 *smile* Yes, they get on your nerves, have their own set of antics and moods but knowing that YOU have someone that cares about your well-being, makes sure you have a meal most days, if you're sick you know you can count on them, if you're in need of support they are right there holding you up and cheering you on, if you need a laugh they are there to do the silly stuff that only the two of you know about (inside jokes), they are there to rub your feet when you've had a hard day, they are willing to go to bat for you...even when you're wrong as the day is long...lol, they actually understand you as a person, they support your individual dreams & aspirations & most of all....they provide you with the security of knowing... "We are IN this thing together come hell or high water!" You know that when the going gets tough and stormy...they won't just jump on the next thing sailing. They stay..stick it out..talk it out..work it out...and weather it with you. You weather it together as a team.

Now...after reading that: I challenge you to start your 02/14 Today...show them how much you care and appreciate them.

I will not be blogging next week because I want to focus on my special someone.

You support me, you understand me...and you genuinely have my best interest at heart. You came into my life so unexpectedly. We don't know what tomorrow holds...but we know WHO holds tomorrow. Let's just keep moving forward and letting Him guide us. What we have is effortless..And for that...I'm so thankful.

Have a super dooper sexy week and Valentine's Day Folks!

Chanel-

Season's DO change...& it's Okay.

Season's Change....& It's Okay

Great Monday morning to you all. I pray you had a peaceful weekend. As for me..I enjoyed my awesome "Snowcation" and I didn't want it to come to an end. Although I despise the white stuff, I do appreciate the stillness and calmness it brings to the universe. I love the fact that it has the ability to slow life down a bit and I think we all need that.

Pay It Forward: I tipped a waitress a good chunk on my food bill on Saturday. I was blessed with a very successful night with my business on Friday so I wanted to share a little of what I had received. I hope it met a need for her.

This week’s blog, Season's change...is speaking about the seasons of our lives. We have seasons where we experience moments of being lonely, trials, restructuring of relationships, financial instability & uneasiness. Then we experience seasons where friendships/relationships blossom, finances are plentiful, there's laughter, excitement, new opportunities and a great season of harvest! Then we have the seasons where there isn't much going on..nothing bad..nothing good. Just a life plateau. You go with the flow of things and just enjoy things being uneventful. We have seasons of sowing and we also have seasons of reaping.

The changing of the seasons in our lives is not only good for us but necessary for individual growth and development.

These seasons also have an impact on friendships and intimate relationships. There are people who come into our lives during various seasons and they serve a purpose for THAT season. I know we are all too familiar with the saying "Season, Reason & a Lifetime." I don't have to explain that one any further. But, I do want to stop for a minute and park it on the fact that oftentimes we hold on to relationships and friendships that are past their expiration dates. What do I mean by that? Some people come into our lives to teach us things, to challenge us, to motivate us, to serve as our reflective mirror {meaning they help us see ourselves in them}, to comfort us etc. Many of them placed by divine intervention. We don't know what the reason is but God knows. After their purpose has been served in our lives....the season's change. Please note...I'm not speaking of those connections that are divinely determined to be your "Lifetime" here. I'm speaking specifically about those connections deemed by God to be for a season. Seasonal connections expire. This is not a bad thing. It's simply the way life evolves. The ultimate purpose for our lives is to fulfill a destiny and some connections are made to assist us on that journey..nothing more. Nothing less. He designs the paths we cross, when we cross them and for what purpose they will have in getting us to where He ultimately wants us to be.

 The problem comes in when we don't want to let go of the connection for whatever reason. The connection is past its expiration date...the season has changed...but we are still holding on. This leads to relationships/friendships filled with confusion, disruption, non-productivity, side-tracking from your goals and purpose, heartache, financial problems, and just pure chaos. Many times He's trying to tell us, "Let the season change...and Let go of the connection." It's up to us to listen. In some cases HE will end the connection for us, but it’s for our own good. Holding on to relationships/friendships that have a divine expiration date will not produce good fruit. It's not always easy for us to accept this. Nor is it always easy to let go. In these situations you have to really pray and seek wisdom.

So if you're in a transitional season....accept it. Embrace it. Approach it with clarity and comfort knowing He is the driving force behind the transition. He is the meteorologist of your seasons! Your transition may involve your job, family dynamics, children coming of age, school, finances, death of a loved one, emotions, spirituality etc. Whatever the transition is…simply travel along your journey, pray and know that seasons will change....and it's okay.

Have a wonderful week!

Chanel-

Moving Forward

Keep Moving Forward!

Happy Monday Everyone! I pray you had a peaceful weekend. As we are approach the end of January, I sincerely hope your 2011 has started out in a productive direction.

Pay It Forward: I spent a little extra time actually talking and listening to someone. I often feel like I'm so in a hurry with the daily grind that I often miss the opportunity to talk to someone that may very well be alone. A simple polite conversation really made someone's day. It made me feel good. We greet people with: "Hi, how are you?" But we don't actually Stop...and listen to the person. So, my pay it forward was something valuable....a little extra Time.

This week's blog is simply...Keep on Moving FORWARD! In certain areas of my life I sometimes ask, "What's the point?"..."Why do I have to do this?" "Why am I still dedicated to this?" I have my moments when I don't see results or things just seem to be at a stand-still I tend to get frustrated and feel like maybe this is not what I'm supposed to be doing. In those moments, I just keep telling myself, "Keep moving forward."

Specifically this blog, I know it was laid on my heart to do it but sometimes I just don't see the results in it. I've prayed and devoted to planting whatever seed given to me for that week, however I do get discouraged. I do feel like I'd rather be doing something else with my time on Monday mornings. I do feel like, "Lord I practically have to beg for people to receive the seeds & comment." I do feel like why was I selected to do this when most people don't even take the time to read!?"

Then He says.........

"This is NOT about you. It's about Me. You do as you're told and let me do the rest."

So I keep moving forward.

I shared this personal nugget with you all because you may also feel like "what's the point?" regarding a certain area of your life. All I can tell you is if you're striving for something that you know will yield positive results...KEEP moving FORWARD! You may not see the results right away. You may not know what impact you've had on someone else’s day/life. You may not ever see the reward in what you're doing in the natural realm. You may not ever get your "just due." You don’t know if what you’re doing is actually a critical part of your life’s plan & destiny. You may not even understand why you're doing what it is that's been laid upon your heart to do...but just KEEP being obedient. He will send you confirmation, encouragement and re-enforcement to help you continue the journey. There is reward in being faithful. There is reward in Him for doing things that you may not want to do.

Just Keep moving forward and let Him guide!

Have a super dooper week!

Chanel-